Having been a chick gamer for a long time, I think I have heard it all… especially out of mouths of twelve year old pre-puberty little boys. But there are also those geeky twenty-somethings who have been hiding in their parents basement gaming all day, and you’d swear they had never talked to another female in their lives. And I have been asked on occassion what guy games should do to get the attention of a girl gamer they have played with and wouldn’t mind getting to know better.
But first, I think it is important that you learn what you shouldn’t say to a girl gamer, before you even think about what you should.
1. Don’t ask me to suck your teeny weenie.
Yes, and I am sure it is a teeny weenie, no matter how much you try and convince me otherwise. And no, I am not interested. Period.
2. Don’t teabag me.
Yeah, that is one of those things that the twelve year old pre-pubescents like to do. Rifle my body with your shotgun if you must, but don’t teabag me.
3. Don’t ask me to teabag someone, no matter how wickedly I just nailed the poor sucker.
No matter how you slice and dice it, a girl teabagging just doesn’t have quite the same effect.
4. Don’t ask me my age.
Never, ever ask a woman her age. If you are worried about the whole under-eighteen thing, then maybe ask if she is legal. But don’t expect her to tell you her age. Sometimes it is better thinking she is a nineteen year old hottie than a forty-five year old grandma. And for the record, I am far closer to a nineteen year old than a forty-five year old 😉
5. Don’t ask me my boob size.
Enuff said. And same goes for weight and overall hotness rating.
6. Don’t follow me along like a puppy dog
Yes, I am hot. But you don’t need to follow me all over the map ogling my character’s girliness.
7. Don’t pretend to be getting it on with me
Don’t come along and rub your body up against mine, especially when I am working it. I can’t count the number of times some random guy I have never played with will see me in my custom pink camo holding my position in Calypso Casino and come along right next to me and do the whole “crouch and stand up repeatedly” thing, and think they are cool. If you do it, you are anything but cool.
8. Unworthy friend requests
Send random friend requests just because I’m a girl, and it is usually sent following the guy doing at least one of the above. I don’t have time to waste on immature little boys, nor room on my friends list.
9. Have some idiot gamertag like MILFHNTR or BALLINherHARD.
Once again, enuff said.
10. Being a sexist idiot.
Ok, I realize it can be a shock that there is a real live girl in your game. So I will let you get away with one or two duh moment questions like “Are you a girl?” and “So is it like your boyfriend’s account and he actually lets you play?”. Men tend to be stunned I am a chick playing and am a non-glitched Elite. But if you think I’m going to listen to your ten minute rant about why girls shouldn’t be allowed to play anything other than Viva Pinata and PacMan? You’ll find yourself booted PDQ.
Now, if you don’t have a dream of finding a hot gamer chick as your next girlfriend/wife – then you probably don’t have anything to worry about when you come across an elusive girl gamer on XBox. But if you do, or you just think it is cool to play with a girl, try and restrain yourself from doing any of the above… or at least until I know you well enough that when you tea bag me I can call you a dirty name in return and all in fun. Cause don’t forget, you just might find yourself on the team with me and a bunch of my friends, and let’s just say most of them don’t take kindly to anyone trash talking “their girl.”
