July 24th, 2007

Ten things guy gamers should never say or do to girls in a game

Having been a chick gamer for a long time, I think I have heard it all… especially out of mouths of twelve year old pre-puberty little boys. But there are also those geeky twenty-somethings who have been hiding in their parents basement gaming all day, and you’d swear they had never talked to another female in their lives. And I have been asked on occassion what guy games should do to get the attention of a girl gamer they have played with and wouldn’t mind getting to know better.

But first, I think it is important that you learn what you shouldn’t say to a girl gamer, before you even think about what you should.

1. Don’t ask me to suck your teeny weenie.
Yes, and I am sure it is a teeny weenie, no matter how much you try and convince me otherwise. And no, I am not interested. Period.

2. Don’t teabag me.
Yeah, that is one of those things that the twelve year old pre-pubescents like to do. Rifle my body with your shotgun if you must, but don’t teabag me.

3. Don’t ask me to teabag someone, no matter how wickedly I just nailed the poor sucker.
No matter how you slice and dice it, a girl teabagging just doesn’t have quite the same effect.

4. Don’t ask me my age.
Never, ever ask a woman her age. If you are worried about the whole under-eighteen thing, then maybe ask if she is legal. But don’t expect her to tell you her age. Sometimes it is better thinking she is a nineteen year old hottie than a forty-five year old grandma. And for the record, I am far closer to a nineteen year old than a forty-five year old 😉

5. Don’t ask me my boob size.
Enuff said. And same goes for weight and overall hotness rating.

6. Don’t follow me along like a puppy dog
Yes, I am hot. But you don’t need to follow me all over the map ogling my character’s girliness.

7. Don’t pretend to be getting it on with me
Don’t come along and rub your body up against mine, especially when I am working it. I can’t count the number of times some random guy I have never played with will see me in my custom pink camo holding my position in Calypso Casino and come along right next to me and do the whole “crouch and stand up repeatedly” thing, and think they are cool. If you do it, you are anything but cool.

8. Unworthy friend requests
Send random friend requests just because I’m a girl, and it is usually sent following the guy doing at least one of the above. I don’t have time to waste on immature little boys, nor room on my friends list.

9. Have some idiot gamertag like MILFHNTR or BALLINherHARD.
Once again, enuff said.

10. Being a sexist idiot.
Ok, I realize it can be a shock that there is a real live girl in your game. So I will let you get away with one or two duh moment questions like “Are you a girl?” and “So is it like your boyfriend’s account and he actually lets you play?”. Men tend to be stunned I am a chick playing and am a non-glitched Elite. But if you think I’m going to listen to your ten minute rant about why girls shouldn’t be allowed to play anything other than Viva Pinata and PacMan? You’ll find yourself booted PDQ.

Now, if you don’t have a dream of finding a hot gamer chick as your next girlfriend/wife – then you probably don’t have anything to worry about when you come across an elusive girl gamer on XBox. But if you do, or you just think it is cool to play with a girl, try and restrain yourself from doing any of the above… or at least until I know you well enough that when you tea bag me I can call you a dirty name in return and all in fun. Cause don’t forget, you just might find yourself on the team with me and a bunch of my friends, and let’s just say most of them don’t take kindly to anyone trash talking “their girl.”

July 22nd, 2007

Why video game stores should treat women better

So I buy a lot of video games…  and here are some of the responses I have received from male employees at the stores….

Buying Rainbow Six Vegas the day it came out… “You do realize whoever you are buying this for has to be at least eighteen?”  Well, usually a girl takes this as a compliment, but not when the insinuation was that the game wasn’t for me.

Buying Shadowrun…. “You know you have to be hooked up to the internet to play this?”  Gee, what’s this thing called the internet I keep hearing about?

And random game shopping…

Employee: “Can I interest you in reserving Halo 3?”
Bad Gamer Girl: “No thank you.”  If I was interested in spending an extra $5 at your store just to reserve my copy of the game, which you are notorious for shorting people on anyway, I would have.
Employee: “Well, how about Crackdown, they have the Halo beta going on right now.”
Bad Gamer Girl: “Nope.”  Yeah, I’ve already been playing the Halo 3 beta.
Employee: “There’s a new Tom Clancy, Ghost Recon out.”
Bad Gamer Girl: I do my best to give him my I’m tired of you trying to upsell me look, besides the game has been out for months already, hardly new, and yep, I bought it the day it came out.
Employee: “So just this book then?”
Bad Gamer Girl: “Yes, please.”  But as I am paying, I notice a new Tetris game for the 360.  Now, a friend of mine loves Tetris, so I think this will be great for when she comes over, since she tends to go for the PacMan or Frogger type games.  I used to be a old school GameBoy tetris fiend, so I figure I can game and school her at the same time :)  “Actually, I’ll get that new Tetris game too.”
Employee: Rolling his eyes at me “Yeah, I try to offer you the good stuff, I should’ve figured you’d want something like Tetris.”

And there was the time I was buying the XBox magazine for the Rainbow Vegas demo.  And I got the quizzical “and who are you buying this magazine for?” from the guy ringing it up.  Maybe he was wishing he was my boyfriend, if that was who I was buying it for.

Now, I am not conceited or anything, but I am sure I could kick his butt in any FPS game, but I didn’t feel like he was worthy enough to actually divulge my gamer tag to.  And I am certain I have spent more $ in gaming in 2007 alone than he has in his entire life, even including what he bought with his allowance.

And video game companies wonder why more women aren’t buying their games… they do a fairly decent job at it, but then when it hits the stores, it all falls apart.  After all, women tend to be the ones doing more of the buying… and they don’t have to cater to women, but come on, try acting just a tad bit more accepting that it could be the chick who wants to shoot terrorists, not her hubby or boyfriend.

And I should add that I only go to the chain of stores where those incidents have all happened if I have no other choice… I actually pay more to buy my games elsewhere.

July 21st, 2007

Listen up guys, here is how to tell if that player is a chick

Frag Doll Valkyrie has a great post over on the Frag Doll blog about how to tell if that person you are playing with is a real live girl, or just one of those pre-voice-cracked little, um, boys, you come across.  First hint, they are waaaay more annoying than just about any chick you will find playing any FPS game.

 The number one rule that will allow you to hit the jackpot of usually MANY girl gamers is that they tend to travel in packs. Yes, there are those females that get jealous of other girls and want to be the only girl in the guild or in matchmaking rooms, but these are far and few between. Many females find a sanctity and bond in relating to other girl gamers, so if you find one, chances are she has at least ten more females on her friends with who she runs around questing or beating down the bad guys. In other words, befriend ONE girl gamer (the right way) and you almost certainly will meet a few more very, very quickly.

Read the full blog post here.

Some interesting perspective, although I do wish I could find more girl gamers on Rainbow, I can count on one hand all of the chick Rainbow players I have come across in matches on one hand… unless some of them just aren’t talking during matches.

July 20th, 2007

Are you a girl?

Are you a girl?  Yep, this is probably the question I get asked most when I game… it either comes as I am talking in-game (and racking up the kills) or when someone sees my pink and purple camo as I run around Calypso Casino in Rainbow Vegas.  Yep, I am a girl.  And this is my Bad Girl Gamers blog so all you guys out there I school can find out that there actually are some kick ass gamer girls out there that know how to play… and know how to handle their frags.